Well tonight is the big night. Have to be in from 2am or so till morning. There goes my sleep.

For some unknown reasons I am dreading this entire event. Maybe it is because I can’t stand having my sleep pattern disrupted for work. Though I have disrupted it many times for other reasons, such as gaming and chatting with others. I still remember the times when I stayed up almost all night to chat in the church camp.

But now that I am older, sleep is a lot more important to me. I can’t tolerate the feeling of sleepiness very well. It makes me feel as if I am losing control, as if I am toppling over anytime. Though technically you won’t die with 4 hours of sleep per day, it still creates much fear in me whenever I have to do this long night thingy.

I guess it is just all part of mental conditioning. I just stayed awake through till 5am last Saturday, and I am definitely getting more than 8 hours of sleep everyday. I am just not used to making myself going through tough conditions. Too ill disciplined. I really should not have escaped army. I need to be broken open and fixed.