Well going live was a lot smoother than I expected. Things do work out and human ingenuity do beat the odds. There is nothing that can’t be fixed given the will.

Hopefully this relative calm will continue to last when the dawn breaks.

Good luck to all the batch jobs.

Today marks the first anniversary of me working at Accenture!

Never expected myself to survive this well there.

The human spirit is indeed strong and enduring.

Last night was crazy. Never had so much random thoughts running through my head before. Couldn’t sleep well at all.

All that because I thought I offended someone.

Well thankfully I made it to the morning. Not sure how well I will be able to perform at work today. Seems like it is going to be a long day with all the dunning stuff and ORT going on.

Need to get a grip.

I think I am suffering from emotional indigestion. I swallow up my feelings and let is rage within myself. Feeling frustrated yet unable to release it. Sometimes I am just acting to be apathetic, only to have all the emotions consume my mind in the middle of the night.

There is a lot of emotions within bottled within. Fear, loneliness and anger. If I refrain from hurting people, I end up hurting myself. If I don’t take people seriously then you never risk being hurt by them. But that is a very lonesome path to walk.

My friends seem to have changed and moved on quite a bit with life. Friendship is something that has to be maintained and I am not giving enough to it. New friends, for some reasons, aren’t as good as the old ones.

I think I need to slowly release the thoughts within me. Let me start by saying that trading three years of my life for a game is probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life. The amount of money wasted on bumming makes me want to go back in time and slap my old self hard.

And yes I am still traumatized by Shaun’s death. I might talk about it or joke about it though I still miss him very much. It’s hard to forget someone when you practically saw him every day for two years.

I feel hurt by the break up too. A friend asked if I was just playing around and I was kinda upset. But that’s probably the impression I give others. Looking fine and ready to move on but probably wincing deep inside. Trying to be someone else can be hard.

And the fucking shake down schedule is just incredible. Absolutely incredible. I am summoned back to office in the middle of the night just to do some Cable TV orders. It is not even my area of specialty. If it is dunning and they have no one else I wouldn’t be so upset. But to be there when anyone else could have easily replaced me just makes me… sad. I hate disrupting my sleep patterns, at least not when I am going through this bout of random anxiety attacks. But hey if you are my boss and you are reading this, know that I harbor no hatred against you, I know you didn’t want it to turn out this way too. In the next project, please, please, please find out more about test automation.

Releasing some steam online just made me feel a little better already.

No pain no gain. But is the gain worth the pain?

A poor man’s happiness is no less than a rich man’s happiness. Is it really worth to trade a part of your life for more money which you spend to make yourself happy?

I guess the only way to find out is to try both. The poor man’s path has been well traveled by me. Time to move on to the other.

Where is the balance that I seek?

There is no better way to show that the management sucks than making everyone in the team work 13 hours a day.

The software development life cycle is not like the sweat shops in china where the amount of productivity is measured by the hours you put in. If we wanted to do manual labour we wouldn’t have waste the time seeking higher education.

So face it, the project is falling apart becuase of poor planning, poor implementation and poor mangement. Waterfall styled projects fail 83% of the time and having a bunch of people who can’t deploy things property 4 months into testing is just way too much. Finally a management that just want to look at pretty numbers is both unethical and unprofessional. How about being realistic and admit the mistakes, so the fucking company can learn to wake up?

So I am on MC today. The best part of the working life is to be on MC and get a breather, and I think everyone belonging to the working class is with me when I say that.

Any way it was a slack day. Besides paying the MC tax at the clinic, I also returned my long over due books at the library, thanks to their brilliant new if-you-owe-money-then-kkthxbai policy.

Ran all my errands today. Finally updated my address to the new one so all the government IOUs can be sent correctly to my present address. Also managed to visit the library today and borrowed a few books. One particular book of interest is this book called: Software Project Secrets (Why Software Projects Fail). I had the urge to borrow it and put it on my work desk.

Then again that would be too petty and unprofessional.

I am not entirely sure if I am comfortable with this “I will push you as far as possible” attitude.

People break eventually and things get ugly. Usually you have to know when to stop bullying people and whip out the goodies for a change. Carrot and the stick doesn’t work when you use a small carrot coupled with a huge stick. All you are going to get is just a group of people who are sick of being milked for all that they have.

And it sucks even more if things get rectified when you bitch about it. Sure, if you don’t give in people think you are unreasonable. But if you do give in, then why do you make all the others tolerate the same shit? Why have the ostrich mentality that if you bury your head in the sand, no one is going to complain? People ARE bitching about it alright, you are just trying their patience.

Don’t fuck around with people just to see how much they can take before they snap. Because when they do, chances are they will bring you down with them.

Another day with impossible targets. Not trying to blow things out of proportions but it is really out of the testing team’s scope when the codes are just not working.

Everything breaks as and when they like and we have to pick up the pieces. Worst of all the management is demanding PASSES. This is bad because it encourages people to be sloppy and just pass for the sake of meeting the quota. What they should look for is the number of failed cases and then make the developers and the integration team pay for their sins. They failed to make a prompt delivery, don’t punish the testers for what other people have done.

It’s not fair and bad for morale.

Found this wireless connection at work. It’s strange that the wireless network is actually provided by SingNet.

Expect to see me blogging more often while at work.